Victor’s Child

Thanks to all of the readers that have followed me along this past year. My apologies for not posting lately, but I wanted to introduce you to the newest member of the Chimenti Estate, little Nico. My wife, Mrs. Chimenti is quite proud!

There’s No Place More Pathetic than Seattle

El Gato Grande Makes Final Pitch for Cy

Better Luck Next Year

Will it matter if Felix wins or loses today? Probably not, because Seattle is so far from the epicenter of American sports that we’re lucky to have a team at all. One day we’ll look back on the great career of Hernandez and compare him to Griffey, A-Rod, Randy Johnson, Tino Martinez and other Seattle heroes that have moved on to find championships and glory in cities that matter.

For us, we’ll always be the ‘Pesto of Cities’ with our claim to greats like Steve Largent, but always one step short of the door. We’re like the Roxbury Boys, a bouncer always standing between us and our goal of getting in. “Remember us, we’re Seattle?” Never heard of you. “We won the NBA Championships in 1979, but our team moved to greener pastured in Oklahoma,” (Literally!). Oh, now I remember, you’re still not on the list.

We’ll always boast that our Seahawks are the only team in Super Bowl History to outplay their opponents and still lose. As we claw our way back to relevance, the only thing the nation notes of us, is our neon-green uniforms and our broken ribs. Our best hope is always next year.

And what should we think of next year? Two first round draft picks for the Seahawks? A Mariner pitching staff that creams opponents but a line-up that can’t hit? The problem is our GM’s always do the wrong thing. The Seahawks build a small quick defense that relies on speed and smarts. But is that the kind of defense that wins championships? No, a defense needs to be big and punishing, they need to overpower opponents and break their spirit.

Oddly enough, we have this same problem in baseball. Our starting rotation and bullpen next year could be one of the best in the game, but how will we score runs? Look at the Yankees, how do they win? It sure as hell isn’t pitching and defense. It’s offense. Offense needs to destroy opponent’s pitching and defense. Ours wilts. Those of you outside Seattle will nary recognize a name, but with a starting five of Hernandez, Fister, Morrow, Rowland-Smith, and Vargas next year, the M’s will be in a position to win every game. With White, Lowe and Aardsma, they’ll be almost invincible after the 7th. However, our infield line-up of Carp, Lopez, Wilson, Beltre and Johnson is likely to drive-in fewer runs than my grandmother.

Sure, we fans will grant Griffey a lifetime exemption at DH, but what about the others? Junior will drop another 20, anyone else? Baseball is the simplest sport to figure out, and yet the Mariner front office always takes the opposite approach. Get a line-up of .300 hitters and swing for the fences. If Jackie Z doesn’t do everything in his power to achieve that this winter, then sit back and enjoy watching our pitchers next year, because in time, every one of them will be gone. Felix first.

Once More on ‘The Rules’

Writing as Art vs Professional Writing

 

We know there are many unwritten rules to handcuff the writer, and it’s easy to confuse when and where these rules should be obeyed or broken. For professional writers in business or journalism, there are the obvious cases that must be satisfied. However, for the writer of fiction, the rules should be torched and never revisited.

 

In the latest edition of Writers Ask, (#45, Fall 2009, Glimmer Train Press) Shauna Singh Baldwin quotes a character from her novel, THE TIGER CLAW:

 

“An Artist cannot wait for permission, but must seize it.”

 

What better way to address the rules in fiction, because aren’t rules really about permission to write a certain way? The novelist has a responsibility to write as though no rules exist or ever did. A vacuum of self serving expression that cares nothing for screenplay, TV or structure must envelop the artist in a cocoon to shield them from the onslaught of language, grammar and convention. Without this, artistic expression is washed away and we’re left with the watered down milk toast that permeates pop culture.

 

To seize means to take by force, in defiance of protocol. Without this defiance, there is no art.

Church of the NFL

Seahawks Open the Road to Miami Sunday

Steelers Host Communion Tonight

Sometimes people ask me what my religion is, and although my Grandma Emily would say Catholic, I’ve always felt it was the NFL. Football is the perfect religion because it primarily takes place on Sundays, spring and summers are off, and our hallowed post season begins just after Christmas.

The best thing about it is, God doesn’t care who wins, and we know this because if he did, the Cowboys would have already won every Super Bowl. Some might say that he favors the Steelers, and most Seattle fans would agree, but for a few corrupt officials, God lets the game decide itself between the lines.

And of course with any religion, there are prophets. The prophets this year claim to have a tight grip on the AFC, while most think the NFC is wide open. Why? Because their focus is wrongly placed on the Eastern Division when 4 out of the last 10 NFC Champions have come from only one division, the West. Overlooking the West causes unique problems this year, because the team with the largest travel disparity here in Seattle, is apt to win a first round bye if not homefield advantage.

Some years, the homefield advantage is not a deciding playoff factor. But when a team from the West holds court, rarely are the East or South divisions able to overcome it. Case in point, last year’s Eagles falling short in Arizona.

The Seahawks have dominated this division for the better part of a decade, and the one year they fall flat to Receiver injuries, their snot-nosed little brother the Cardinals almost win the Super Bowl. But those problems are gone now, Hasselbeck only a few short seasons ago guided the #1 Offense in the NFC, and with TJ, Deion and The Edge, he’s got the weapons to do it again. Despite the criticism, his front line is actually doing the job and only looks to get better when Big Walt and Spencer return. And as for the D-Hawks, don’t be surprised if Mora uses an 11 man front. They are poised to win the sack title this year, and if they even come close, expect a few surprising road wins early on.

With this as a backdrop, is there any reason the Seahawks don’t hold serve at home and sweep their division? If the do, as they have done in the past, who will hold homefield advantage in the NFC with a first round bye? What is the record of opponents at Qwest field in the playoffs? What is the Giants record at Qwest? The Cowboys? The Eagles? The Redskins? The Bears? Anybody else?

Get ready for the Road to Miami, Hasselbeck’s driving and Tatupu’s checking tickets at the gate. If you want on this bus, you’d better be wearing number 12.

 

Phrophecies:

 

NFC West: Seattle Seahawks

NFC North: Minnesota Vikings

NFC South: New Orleans Saints

NFC East: New York Giants

NFC Wildcards: Washington Redskins and Green Bay Packers

 

AFC West: San Diego Chargers

AFC North: Pittsburgh Steelers

AFC South: Tennessee Titans

AFC East: New England Patriots

AFC Wildcards: Baltimore Ravens and Indianapolis Colts

Unwritten Rules in Fiction Workshops

Too many English majors and too many English professors ruin writing, especially the novel. The novel is an art form outside of mere language, beyond the comprehension of grammar, and in another realm from writing. It is about storytelling and prose, not writing. Writers work for magazines and newspapers and I can’t think of many that go on to write beautiful literature, they are two different skill sets.

The novel as an art form isn’t about following a formula that ends each chapter with a hook, or drama, or suspense, although they all have their place. It is about creating beauty with words, exposing ugliness, and raising questions rather than delivering answers.

If you looked at a list of Nobel Prize winning novelists, I doubt you’d find more English professors than any other background, I don’t think one has anything to do with the other. Unfortunately however, the world of English profs think they’re the only one’s qualified to teach the art of writing novels. I guess Woody Allen said it best, ‘Those who can’t do teach, and those who can’t teach, teach gym.’

When I get a crit that gives me no more insight than Elmore Leonard’s 10 rules, I ignore it, because I already know the rules and I didn’t care about them when I started, so why should I care about them now? I love it when a critter catches a typo, because God knows we all make them, but I want to know how the material strikes them, not if I broke a rule. I think people know that is how I crit their work, I crit from my gut. Like the moral philosopher Robert C. Solomon said, justice doesn’t come from due process or objective examination, it comes from the gut. When I read something I know how it makes me feel, and at that moment I think I might know what would make it better. I try not to candy coat it.

Mariner Update: Pennant Race Edition

El Gato Grande Finally Getting Look at Cy Young

 

While the Mariners are mathematically alive, they’re officially done and talk in Seattle has turned to the undefeated Seahawks.

 

With Saturday’s final cut-down looming, the Hawks depth at running back has turned into a surprisingly positive element. Although it took until the 4^th preseason game and the 4^th string running back to score their first rushing touchdown, the addition of The Edge and the development of Forsett and Moore shines hope on what began as a weakness.

 

Though don’t expect the lack of rushing touchdowns to bother Offensive Coordinator Greg Knapp. QB’s combined for 10 TD’s through the air leaving little opportunity for a rushing game to get within the 20. More importantly, the Hawks finish the preseason ahead of their opponents in every category that might actually mean something before the wins and loses begin to matter.

 

On Offense, the Hawks gained more First Downs than their opponents, gained more Rushing Yards, more Passing Yards, more TD’s, more FG’s and won the all important Time of Possession, keeping the ball an average of 31:11 against their opponents 28:49.

 

From a defensive perspective these signs are also encouraging, but the real yardstick of how a defense affects the game can be found in other measurables. Not only did the D-Hawks win the takeaway battle in each game to finish with a +8 ratio, they won the sack stat too. The offense held sacks to a stingy 5 over the 4 games while the defense pounded opponents for 16. If they can keep this 4 sack average throughout the regular season and maintain a positive takeaway ratio there’ll be very little keeping them from regaining their NFC West dominance.

Fascinating Alfredo

the collective unconscious…

 

Fascinating Alfredo. The Earth may ultimately serve as our collectivity. But the question is how. How. How? How! How did we become collective? What is the link, where is the chain? Who did this to us? Why did it happen this way? Is there a way we can change? Does it matter? When did it all begin?

Semicolon Use in Fiction

Writers have many tools in their chest to use in accomplishing an aim, and the semicolon is one of them. But in works of fiction, is there any grammatical need or demand for them? I don’t think so for one simple reason. Because fiction itself is a completely fabricated art form, there is nothing in the content of a piece which is beyond the author’s control. Having full control over the content, what need is there to use a semicolon in expressing one’s thoughts or ideas?

I’m sure there are instances when semicolons are used for symbolic purposes, and to me these are the proper instances. I know that there are some that would use this device to dictate a certain cadence or rhythm in their prose. But can’t cadence and rhythm be achieved by words alone? Why the use of a semicolon in these circumstances. Maybe I’m antiquated, but it seems to me that this form of punctuation is suited for lists where it belongs. Any separation of independent clauses in fiction I feel is better crafted with two well written sentences rather than a singular crammed one.

But who am I to say for everybody? There are many great examples of semicolons in literature that work just fine. Although, every time I stumble across one as a reader I keep asking myself if this wouldn’t read better without it. And ultimately, it really seems to be a matter of style, and for the writer that likes dropping them, by all means. When used properly they are after all, grammatically correct.

Gender Based Character Development

 There is a dilemma among some, can a man write female characters as credible as his male characters? And can a woman write male characters as well as her female characters?

If we assume that a writer has a certain ability to write characters so well, how much lower should expect their skill to be in writing characters of the opposite sex? Should we expect them to actually be better at writing characters of the opposite sex? Should we expect them to be the same?

I don’t think it has anything to do with writing women versus writing men, it is simply people. Saying that characters are only referenced by their gender is saying that a character should be predictable based on that gender. If they are a certain way at this point, then they must behave a specific way at a different point.

All people change, and all characters in fiction should have their vulnerable and secret sides exposed. The character does not get to choose what side is displayed for the reader, only the author. In real life, people put up fronts in public and often become different when in private. Ultimately, all people are only similar based on their gender to a point. It is at the point that they split from being similar to others based on superficial traits that makes them worthy of literary merit.

Bud-Rod

Since everything in Baseball is wonderful right now, let me remind the reader that Bud-Rod remains our commissioner. And until that changes, Baseball will continue to live with its crusty underbelly. When Selig goes, the Ster-Rod era goes with him.